I'll Remember That
by GreyWolfandMoon
Summary: Inspired by a couple of quotes from my long fic, The Marauders and the Triwizard Tournament, but you don't have to read that to understand this. 'I'd die for James,' Sirius stared down at his own hands, his voice barely a whisper that he wasn't sure if he was talking to Remus or himself, 'but I'd die with you.'


'I'd die for James,' Sirius stared down at his own hands, his voice barely a whisper that he wasn't sure if he was talking to Remus or himself, 'but I'd die with you.'

Just as he wondered whether Remus had fallen asleep already, there came an almost imperceptible sigh from the other boy's bed.

'I'll remember that.'

* * *

Sirius knelt before the bed, but the occupant of the bed did not so much as spare him a glance.

'Please,' Sirius croaked, his voice hoarse and airy from five consecutive days of crying and screaming, 'Remus, talk to me. Say that you're angry, you hate me, whatever. Just say anything.'

'Madame Pomfrey,' Remus finally looked up from his book. 'Could you give me another dose of sleeping potion?'

The matron looked between Remus and Sirius, her face lined with sadness and worry. Sighing, she slowly took out a goblet and began pouring in a mud-like liquid. 'Mr Black, I'm afraid you'll have to leave…'

'No, Remus, listen to me –' Sirius clung onto the side of the bed, he half expected Remus to push him away, to touch him, to _acknowledge_ him, but he didn't. ' – I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please – I didn't think – I never wanted it to happen like that –'

'Mr Black …'

'I'd die for James, but I'd die with you,' Sirius's eyes were too sore and puffy to produce even just a drop of tear, 'if they – took you, I'd follow you right in, I'd ask them to take me too. You suffer, I suffer; you live, I live; you die, I die.'

'Madame Pomfrey!' Remus called again, and Sirius was mercilessly dragged out and banished from the Hospital Wing.

'Remus,' behind the closed door, Madame Pomfrey helped Remus up gently as she brought him the goblet, the mud-like liquid now turned clear with a flick of her wand. 'Even if you won't ever forgive him, please just stop punishing yourself,' a tear rolled down her cheek, but her lips were pursed so hard to stop them from trembling that they were bloodless. 'I forbid, I _forbid_ you from drugging yourself, so here's your water.'

Remus leaned listlessly against the pillow, his face blank. 'I'd rather die than suffering like this endlessly. I've had enough since I was six.'

'Don't say that,' Madame Pomfrey stroked his hair, 'you've been through all this. _We've_ been through all this together. I'd love to take care of you for many, many more years.'

'He said he'd die with me,' said Remus hoarsely.

Madame Pomfrey embraced him tightly, for she didn't want him to see her face contort with pain. 'He'd do anything…'

'Then kill me,' Remus whispered, 'so that he dies as well.'

* * *

Remus came back from his mission to a table of candles, steak and red wine. It was a drastic contrast from the wildness and howling and bloodlust last night; it would have been rather romantic if it didn't happen out of the blue when everything was going downhill.

'…Padfood…?' Remus started hesitantly. This particular term of endearment had not come out of his mouth for months already. It felt unfamiliar around his tongue.

Sirius avoided Remus's gaze. He smiled and raised his tumbler. 'Cheers.'

Remus did not follow him. He stood up and moved closer. 'Look at me.'

'Cheers,' Sirius repeated. Remus did not miss how Sirius peeked furtively at his left arm before he resumed his avoidance.

Understanding washed over him; his suspicion came true. 'Sirius,' said Remus again, his nose almost touching Sirius's. 'Why me?'

'I don't know what you're talking about,' Sirius turned away from Remus.

'Why do you suspect me?' Remus grabbed his collar and spoke against his lips. Sirius could feel him trembling. 'Of all people, why me?'

Sirius could no longer bear it. His heart ached, but his brain told him _danger,_ _stay away_. Before he could think, he crushed his lips against Remus's, giving him a bruising kiss that spoke of desperation, passion, disappointment, hatred, _love_.

'Stay away from me,' said Sirius only after the need for oxygen overrode his unwordable emotions. He pushed Remus away, wheezing for air and shaking uncontrollably. 'I cannot resist you. So stay away before I kill you.'

Remus released him abruptly. He turned and summoned a rucksack.

'I'd die for James,' said Sirius through his pursed lips. 'But I'd die with you. I can, I _will_ , for James's safety. As long as I bring you down, I will do it, even if it means my death.' He gripped his wand so tightly that his knuckles turned white; he knew he was no rival to Remus when it came to dueling, not when his heart was still attached to the other man.

'I'll remember that,' replied Remus tonelessly after what seemed like a lifetime had passed. He slammed the door shut before Sirius shrank to the floor, hands pressed to his face, his chest empty as if his soul had been sucked out.

One week later, Remus Lupin's world collapsed.

* * *

Remus clutched at Sirius's battered robes that barely concealed his emaciated body.

'Don't go, Padfoot,' he begged, willing himself not to imply anything further. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, that he shouldn't be lending a helping hand any more than a friend would; their – everything – ended years ago. They were not who they used to be; there were twelve years between them.

'Stay,' whispered Remus. 'I have a place.'

'I can't,' Sirius disentangled his robes from Remus's hands gently. 'They're still searching for me. Staying at yours will only bring you harm.'

Remus knew there was more than that. He knew Sirius better than anyone else, even more so than James, even when they had been apart longer than they had been together.

Sirius patted on Buckbeak's head. 'I have to go,' he said, with one last glance at Remus. 'I'd die for James, for Lily, for Harry, yet I couldn't live to see the Ministry torturing you especially if it was me who led them to you. But I promise: I will come back.'

Remus craned his neck at the summer sky where Sirius and Buckbeak disappeared into. 'I'll remember that.'

* * *

Grimmauld Place was as haunting as ever, only today, a few withering flowers and old candles adorned its black wooden panels. The curtains billowed in the night breeze, cutting moonlight into golden fragments. They shattered onto the floor, like glitters, if looked at from afar, and stars twinkled at the two men who were touching forehead to forehead.

'Remus John Lupin, Moony, my best friend, my partner in crime, my love,' said Sirius quietly, 'will you pledge your faith to me, in all love and honor, in all faith and tenderness, to take me as your husband, to live with me, to love and cherish me, despite the law, my criminal status, and all that we're facing?'

'I will,' Remus breathed into Sirius's mouth. 'And you, Sirius Orion Black, Padfoot, my oldest friend, my partner for life, my soul,' Remus squeezed their entwined hands where a laurel branch wound around, 'will you take me as your wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part?'

'No, Moony,' Sirius shook his head gently, and Remus's eyes fluttered open in surprise. 'No, I will not agree to this. Death will not part us; our love does not end even after our demise. I'd die for anyone else, but I'd die with you. So no, Moony, death will not end our love. When you live, I live; when you die, I die, but our love lasts forever.'

Remus stared at him for a very long time. His pupils were almost transparent in the golden moonlight.

Sirius planted a chaste kiss onto their entwined hands. 'One day, even when one of us leaves first, the part of us that is going will very much miss the part of us that is staying.'

Remus sighed. Outside this house, there was a storm building, and war raged on. It reminded him so much of the First War, everything felt so familiar yet so different.

'I'll remember that,' he said, eyes boring into Sirius's grey ones.

'You don't have to,' Sirius replied without tearing away his gaze, 'the moon and stars are our witnesses.'

Their burning lips met.

* * *

Remus Lupin came back to Grimmauld Place feeling weightless and numb. The first thing he did after he stepped into the house was to grab a broom and started sweeping the floor. He swept blindly: the dust, the books, the finished crosswords. He didn't stop when goblets and tumblers fell and shattered into a thousand pieces, he didn't stop when Mrs Black wrung apart the curtains and started screaming. He swept, but he couldn't sweep away the memories of the night.

' _Scum, monster, half-breed, get out of the House of Black!_ '

He didn't bother to shut the curtains. He just slumped against the sofa, relieved that _something_ finally filled the still air.

' _You disgusting faggot! Flaming poof! It was you who corrupted the shame of my flesh –'_

'He is dead,' he croaked. It was so much harder to say it out, now that he was truly alone, than when he was in the Department of Mystery, pulling Harry away from the Veil. His throat was raw; there were no tears left to cry.

For perhaps the first time in forever, Walburga shut up. She looked like she had received a blow directly to her windpipe.

Remus looked out the window to where Sirius the Dog Star hung in the sky. 'I'd die for James, for Lily, for Harry, for anyone at all that would allow all this to start over,' he choked, his voice raspy and imbued with pain. 'But I'd die with you. And I did.'

'What a joyous day,' Walburga said coolly as she recovered from her frozen state, though her sneer was a little too stiff than her usual ones, 'I'll remember that.' Sparing one last look at Remus, she drew her curtains shut, this time, oddly, without a single insult.


End file.
